Pixelrage.net

Way back in the 1990s, if you consider that “way back,” I got my start doing “general office duties” which equated simply to “telemarketing” (sorry, I’ll stop using quotes now). I had to call a list of several thousand doctors, and push a free pamphlet from Eli Lilly. It was the worst career I’ve ever been in, for one sole reason: everyone I called pretty much hated me, and I annoyed them. I also didn’t blame them one bit. I was a hardcore clock watcher and got paid the most minimal of salaries – so is the life of the telemarketer.

When looking from the perspective on the other end of the spectrum, getting telemarketing calls is really freakin’ annoying when you’re at work. Being a marketer yourself, you’re really immune to salesmen and sales talk, because it’s so relative to what you do – selling, and getting leads…right?

One of the best parts of being in the internet marketing field is getting put on numerous lists for SEM, SEO, media buyer and general scam artist telemarketer’s lists </sarcasm>. If you’re getting pestered by this crowd, there’s a simple way to get rid of them. Prepare yourself for some phone screening, and a new voicemail message!

For starters, I never pick the phone up if it’s some weird area code like 319 (sorry, Iowa) or a number that doesn’t show up on caller ID. That’s not a rule of thumb, but more of a personality quirk. The rest are at my discretion – I’m known for screening all of my calls during the end of quarterly sales cycles, simply because I despise salesmen in general (don’t all marketers?!) and I don’t have time to sit through someone’s sales spiel.

I think I’ve perfected the ultimate voicemail message that deters internet marketing service telemarketers, and it goes a little something like this:

“You’ve reached (my name) at (company name). I’m currently unavailable – please leave your name, number and message so that I may get back to you as soon as possible. If you are calling from a marketing company or are selling services in search engine marketing, optimization, ad placement or any other media, [please note that our company is under contract with a media buyer to provide a point of view on all services we subscribe to], [and that our budget for (the current year) has been already exhausted for the calendar year]. Thank you.“

Why it works:

1. Creative/Internet/Media buyer: if your company has one, most of these telemarketers aren’t going to bother having to call your media buyer and convince them of their service. I’ve noticed that VERY few telemarketers will request the name of the media buying agency. Putting this in your voicemail will help…regardless of if you’re lying about actually having a media buyer, or not (lol).
2. Budget exhausted: why would they be persistent if you have no budget? They simply won’t, you’re a bad lead and not worthy of their time or follow-up call. Saying that your budget is exhausted is much more extreme than saying you’ve suffered a budget cut. If you say the latter, the telemarketer/salesperson will want to customize a buying plan to accommodate your cut  budget, and that’s not what you want. Another good day is to say you’ve suffered a budget cut AND have already exhausted your budget for the year.

This is a message that has evolved through the years. It started off small, then started to add “buzzwords” like “under contract with” and “budget has been exhausted” or “due to budget cuts.” I’ve found that this terminology is all that many of these telemarketers need to hear in order to forget about you and move on. At a minimum, they’ll leave a brief message asking you to keep them in mind. Seriously, it worked like a charm for me. Some telemarketers even referenced that inclusion to my voicemail, and noted that I “must get a lot of these calls.” Pssshhh…yeah.

If your workplace is your own business, be sure to get on the Do Not Call list if you’re in the USA. Otherwise, ask your secretary or IT guy why on earth your company hasn’t done this! Under the Do Not Call Registry, anyone selling goods or services may not call you if you’re on the list. If they do, simply tell them “Add my number to your Do Not Call list” and they must oblige according to the law…otherwise, they are wide open to complaints that you can submit to the FTC, that can result in a fine over $10,000 to the offender.

Don’t forget: the end-of-quarter time period is when salesmen are looking to fulfill their quotas, get a commission bonus, or shoehorn in a sale between a tax cycle. That’s when these calls come in more often, and when you should probably screen your calls with your more intelligent voicemail message!