Pixelrage.net

I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry at this incredibly pathetic attempt to get people to click an ad. It’s quite possibly the worst PPC ad I’ve seen in a very long time, and you’ve probably come across it in the past week or so (it has been plastered all over the web like goose shit):

Seriously, this is a joke...right?

Let’s go over the obvious issues:

1. Sex sells: yeah, we get it. Hot chicks = clicks. But what’s the reasoning behind getting some generic stock image of a model which pans back and forth, advertising some completely un-related internet game? It’s stupid on so many levels. This stock photo would have been better for an advertisement for women’s underwear. Or, mail-order Russian brides.
2. God-awful sales talk: to say “everyone’s talking about” it is extraordinarily lame. I’m not talking about it…are you? I don’t even know what the hell it is. Even if everyone was talking about something, I don’t care, and neither does anyone else. Given the awful advertising, I’m highly doubting 11 million people play this game.
3. I don’t know what the hell it is:  It has a logo in the same fashion of the World of Warcraft logo, so I’m guessing it’s a role playing game. However, they don’t mention this. They don’t captivate this subculture whatsoever. I’m not sure if this is some kind of R-rated sex game, or what.
4. Engrish: “It’s obvious why they are: It makes you feel like King!” What is this supposed to mean? Who proofread this? Who thought this made sense? I don’t care if English isn’t your native language. Find someone who can tell you how stupid you’re about to make yourself look before you get the chance. It was too late for this guy. “Makes you feel like king?” What is this, 3rd grade? Even if it were written properly: “It makes you feel like a king,” even that makes no sense whatsoever. Take a tip from Samuel (work warning for language).

For the sole sake of this article, I had to visit this site. I spared them the three pennies, and typed in “Evony game” in Google, and got to Evony.com. I must say, it has a cool splash screen. They seem to have invested money in some great graphic design, but they can’t write a sentence of ad copy to save their own mother.

Once again, there are more flat out BAD issues with this screen. Beyond the eye-rolling attempt to shove more breasts in your face, there’s some of the worst bullet points I’ve ever seen right on the splash page: “Free to play forever!” – really? Forever? I think there would have been a better and more sensible way to re-phrase that, specifically by removing the nonsensical word “forever.”

To claim that it’s the “world’s best web game” is absurd and breaks the cardinal rule of marketing: if you say your product is the best, that means you’re an awful salesperson and don’t know that the customer has to make that decision – not you. Besides, I’m pretty sure that reigning champion of online gaming, Zynga, would really embarrass you in that regard.

I also laugh at their “global community of MILLIONS.” Wow, millions? Care to back that up with some hard data? It’s just super lame. Also, note that Farmville – proclaimed as the world’s biggest social game at present, has 11 million subscribers…the same number that this game claims to have. What a coincidence! (yes, that’s sarcasm).

The most obvious of all is that I still don’t know what the hell this is. I can draw a conclusion: a maiden + a guy in armor with a sword = some kind of role playing game.  Why can’t they say what it is, though? Why is anyone going to register until they find out this one simple, vital thing? It’s completely ineffective. Nothing says “…comprehensive turn-based role playing game” or “multi-player strategy game” or anything of that nature. You have to click through to another section in order to get this information. It should simply be there.

Sorry if I’m coming off as bitter. I started my career off in graphic design, desktop publishing and advertising. All I ever did was approve ads that went in magazines. I still never cease to be amazed at bad ad copy…especially in the post-production and advertising phases.